Post #46

I can't believe this year is already pretty much over. Time has just flown by so quickly. It feels like it wasn't that long ago that it was January and I had just been diagnosed with hypoglycemia and depression. Some days it feels like that was forever ago when in reality it was pretty much 12 months ago. Wow.

Here is a run down of my year, for those of you who may have forgotten or joined my blog later this year than the rest. January, as I stated before, I was diagnosed with depression. I haven't shared this with a lot of people, but I feel that I can share this openly now. Its a genetic thing. But it was triggered when I was fifteen by an emotionally abusive relationship and a series of bad events that followed. If it hadn't been for specific people in my life (they know who they are) I probably would not have made it through high school. I'm not saying that I would have killed myself, but I was so far gone that days were just a blur. Honestly, there are parts of high school I don't even remember. It was a friend of mine who said I should probably see someone, because my second semester of college I was so sad and lonely that it was hard to do anything. I talked to my bishop, and referred me to a councilor. I did counseling for three months, forgave people who had hurt me and I forgave myself. For an extra boost, my doctor prescribed antidepressants for me for a while. I've stopped taking those now and I am looking for natural alternatives to treat what lingers of my depression. But I am proud to say that I am better now. I'm reaching out when I used to hide. I'm really smiling when I used to pretend. And I am happier than ever, even on my hard days.

I was diagnosed with hypoglycemia in February. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's a low blood sugar disease. On a more physical level (I learned this in physiology), you have more insulin in your system than there is sugar. I have to eat every 2-3 hours or else I get sick and shaky, and sometimes cranky. It showed up after I quit drinking soda, which stays in your system for a while so I never noticed it. I have it mostly under control, however I need to be careful what I eat because hypoglycemia can lead to diabetes when I get older. I have completely changed my diet and I am now currently working to incorporating exercise on a regular basis. I took a nutrition class to get me on the right track.

At the end of February, I met Zef Anderson, and we quickly became friends. After about a month, he asked me out. I was still dealing with my depression and getting a few things cleared away so I said no. He kept trying and after a while I finally said yes. We went out for a week before I called things off. I wasn't ready for a relationship. But at the end of June we got back together for a few months. I called it off again in September. We are still good friends and we hang out a lot, sometimes with our group of friends.

School has been pretty good. I'm doing a lot better than I did my first semester. I'm not in my program yet; I've been set back due to getting sick this past semester. However, I will be completing my associates degree this Spring so I have accomplished something in the two years of college I've had. I plan to take my pre-reqs for my program next year so I can focus on them and get good grades. Summer semester was rough; I did poorly in Anatomy but I passed my computer class (ugh, I hated every second of it). I am trying to Anatomy again next year, when I will have more time to focus on it and hopefully less distractions (summers are a lot of fun in St. George!) I will also try Physiology again. I tried this semester, and was doing so good until I got sick. My grade pretty much went in the trash after that.

As for this semester... man where to even start? It's been insane. I don't know quite what happened, but Tara suddenly turned on me half way through the summer. She was never really nice towards Zef (and even less nice when we were official) but after a while it turned from him, to me. I had the option of moving at the end of the summer, but things got better so I stayed. I probably should have left, but things actually turned for the better the way they did. Anyways, she started treating me badly. She insulted me, vandalized my quilt (she said it was an accident, but I'm not sure I actually believe it... perfect round circles don't scream accident to me), mistreated me and eventually, got me in trouble for having Zef in my room (he was helping me study for a test when I was sick). So to explain things... I would say things to her because I told her we should have open communications and she would get mad and ignore me for days until I talked to her. When I would try to talk about the issue, often she would turn it on me and make me the bad guy. We never actually resolved anything... I feel that I did everything I could. I don't know what I could have done differently. I went out of my way to be nice. And in return, I felt mistreated and insulted. A few things did me in. I had a late rough night, so I decided to sleep in so I would feel better. She had opened the windows and blinds in our room, and thinking she was gone, I closed the window and the blinds and tried to go back to sleep. She promptly came in and opened both and turned music on and started singing. HELLO?? trying to sleep here. So I gave up and left and fell asleep at Zef's house (I was that tired. Next thing I knew, I was waking up and wondering where the heck I was. Kind of a freaky feeling). The window was open for two days and nights. During that time, my allergies decided to flare up and I got sick. I was coughing so hard that I couldn't even sleep in my own room so I was forced into the living room to try and sleep. Second thing, she was often up before I was and she started leaving the door open and the light in the living room on. So, the light was in my face and I could hear her and Mimi talking super loud in the bathroom (which was not a problem if the door was closed). I asked her to keep the door shut so I could sleep. She basically told me no: "But I need to see my closet so I can pick out my clothes." This was upsetting because I would come in after she was in bed sometimes and use my cell phone to find my PJ's. The last straw was after I went to the doctor to get help with me being sick. I had a sinus infection so he gave me some stuff to take care of it. The first day it upset my stomach and I had a test to study for. So Zef came over to help me study. Tara had occupied the living room and I was curled up in a ball in my room, so he came in to do flashcards with me. This might have been a coincidence, but after a while Tara left and then came back with the manager, who saw Zef in my room and strapped me with a fine. I moved out that weekend because I had enough. At the end of this semester, Tara texted me saying I owed $15 for utilities and that she wanted to talk. I set up a date to meet with her and came with the check. She wasn't there, so I left the check with my landlord. She hasn't gotten back with me at all. I'm half wondering if it was her way of getting the check from me, but I'll never know. All I know is that it's over, and I feel that I did everything I could possibly do.

I am currently living with my grandpa's cousin, Fern. I sort of see what happened with me and Tara as a trial that gave me a blessing. It's been fun getting to know Fern and her family. I had no idea she even existed until my mom called me when I was desperately trying to find somewhere to live for the next six weeks (Tara was moving out to go home so she could serve a mission). She told me that my grandpa had a cousin who was willing to take me in. I moved in two days later. I'm moving back to my old apartment soon now that Tara is gone, because it's easier to be closer to campus. However, I will miss living with Fern. It's been fun.

So, it's been a rough year, but I am better for it. Yeah, I've had some roommate troubles since moving to college, but some of them weren't my fault (like my drunk roommates! That was totally not my fault! Or getting shuffled to that apartment, also not my fault). I am excited to see what this next year brings. My BFF, Matt, is coming home from his mission this April. I got to talk to him on Christmas; it was great hearing from him and seeing how much he has changed. It's looking like he'll be home the week I graduate, so I might not get to see him until later. He's jealous of me because I got to meet his new niece and nephew before he did. They'll still be little and fun when he gets back. It was great catching up with his family and talking with his sisters... and teasing Joey about the blond jokes he was telling (he's blond, so I told him that technically, those jokes apply to him. He argued that he wasn't dumb so they didn't).

Anyways, I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and has a Happy New Year. Please shoot me an email; I'd love to hear how everyone is doing!

Photo Post #14

Grafton Ghost Town:

Grafton Graveyard--almost all the people buried here died in 1866

One of the houses still standing in Grafton

The Barn

The Church. This one was used in several films, including Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

Another house. We couldn't go in this one

The smallest house--two rooms and a kitchen

Two girls died in 1866 from a swing accident. Since there is a swing here, I'm assuming that this is where they died

Zion National Park:

Beautiful Zion in the winter

Looking over the edge...

Kyler and Zef trail blazing... or so they would like to think

Kyler, me and Zef

Post #45

Well, it's been one crazy week, but I lived. With the semester drawing to a close, we are getting slammed with homework--one project and paper after another.

Monday I had Yoga class, which was very enlightening. I am definitely hoping I can find a way to fit it into my schedule. It's nice to have an hour and a half to just relax and focus on breathing. I also had Physiology, which due to this crazy bad semester, I have not done so well in. I was doing pretty good and had a chance of pulling my grade up... but then my roommate left the window open two nights in a row and my allergies flared up really bad. I was down for several days thinking I had bronchitis. After three (or four) days of sleeping, medication, hydrating, hardly eating and hacking my lungs out, I finally went to the doctor and found out that it was a bad sinus infection. After three days of antibiotics, I returned to school on the steroids that my doctor gave me to help with any asthma problems that might result from being sick (nothing happened, of course, but whatever) only to find that I had a test to take by Friday. I studied as hard as I could, but studying while doped up on drugs is nearly impossible. I would spend all day studying only to get through a few pages of notes and barely understand it (it was that bad. Ugh)

I bombed the test. My teacher let me retake it, so I studied for a few more days and well, bombed it again (I did get a better score, just not a great score)

Tuesday was career day, so there was no classes. I went to the lecture on health occupations related to sports, since that is a branch of physical therapy I am interested it. It was interesting, but it didn't tell me anything I didn't already know. I talked to the speaker, who works at the gym on campus, and he said he could possibly have a job for me there. I just need to swing by and get an application and sit down for a chat with him. We'll see what happens there.

Wednesday and Thursday I spent the majority of the day working on my two essays. Friday rolled around, and I had a date planned that night (Zef asked me to the institute dinner/dance. The institute gave up to 100 students a free meal before the dance). However... Oh boy where to start. Haha. Tony called Zef that afternoon as asked if we could help him move a car from the dealership he works at to a new owner who lives outside of town (note: when I heard this, I thought like, maybe outside St. George towards Arizona). Zef went, I couldn't go because I was babysitting (Fern's granddaughter Lea). He told me he'd probably be back in about an hour or so. He called me later from Tony's phone saying that they were going to Kanab to drop the car off, so he'd be back later (three to four hours later). Then he called me and said that we would probably miss the dinner because he was still on his way back... then he called said we would miss the dance because they were lost. (One thing you should know: Tony and Zef are both really bad with directions. Put the two in the same car.... you get the picture) We planned to watch a movie and maybe to star gazing (I have this awesome app. on my phone that I want to try out! I want to see what stars I can find) But then Tony called around eleven and told me they were lost at Cedar Ridge... in Arizona! They had taken a wrong turn from the road from Kanab, which splits into two roads--one to St. George and one to Arizona. They were low on gas, Tony's phone was almost dead and the two were completely lost. Lucky for them, Tony's girlfriend, Becca, and her mom were able to drive out and meet them half way and help them back home. None of us got a lot of sleep that night--Tony, Zef, Becca and Penney from driving, and me from staying up in case I was needed to come to the rescue as well (though, that might have actually turned out worse...) They are all home safe, and the teasing has not stopped from us three girls about how they were driving in circles and possibly still would be had Becca not come to find them.

Satuday was lazy day. Zef felt bad about missing the dance the night before, so we went to the play the school was putting on (we were planning on it anyways, but he turned it into a date). The play was Nathan Hale, which is based off the true story of Nathan Hale from the Revolutionary War. It was an AWESOME play, even if the ending was sad. Becca was in the play so we stayed after with her family, Tony and some other friends to congratulate her. Penney and I continued our relentless teasing about the night before (Penney: Zef! You should have come last night. Oh wait--you were driving in circles somewhere in Arizona!) After the play, Becca rushed off to help with the taking down of the set. Nick and Tony invited everyone for ice cream at Krave. I have forgotten how good Krave's chocolate ice cream is--oh boy! Zef and I finished off the night by going to my place to have dinner that I made for everyone earlier that day since Fern had to work late.

Sunday has been a good day. Church was awesome, even if I had to leave early due to my hypoglycemia. I'm still working to get that under control. Had I had stuff for breakfast this morning, I probably would have made it to Relief Society. I'm just proud of myself that I made it through Sunday school this time (probably thanks to the Tootsie Roll I found in my scripture bag)

Well, that's my week in a nutshell. For those who are interested, I'm heading home this week for my Thanksgiving break. I'm excited to see family again. I hope you hear from you! Please feel free to send me an email or to post a comment!

Post #44

Sorry it's been so long since my last post! Life has been a bit crazy and busy. But so far life is good.

A quick update for the past few months: school started in August (in case you missed my last post), I almost had a job but then they decided they didn't need me, and Zef and I broke up in September. I have moved out of my apartment and I am currently living in my grandpa's cousin's basement. Her name is Fern. I had no idea that I even had family here in St. George until the night I met her and was deciding whether or not to move out. She's been super nice and it's been great living here with her and her family. She's an amazing cook. The first night here she offered me apple pie and ice cream, which was so good I could barely finish it (super rich), or even get enough of it. It was a little weird getting used to having my own room again, plus a bigger bed--double instead of a twin--but I'm really enjoying it. It's nice to have my own space. However, I do wish I had room for a desk... haha! I'll be moving back to my old apartment at the end of the semester to be closer to campus. We'll see how that turns out.

As for the job, I got a job offer at the new Kneader's Cafe here in town. It had just opened earlier that week and they called me in for an interview. They gave me a "trial" run for the weekend, but since I had missed training I was a little slow and overwhelmed my first day. They had be come back in on Monday for another test run, which I felt better about, but I was still completely lost. I asked about the schedule, assuming that I was hired and the manager told me to get back with her tomorrow. I called in the morning, like she asked, but she still didn't have an answer for me. So I tried again on Wednesday. Turns out, she forgot that with school starting some people would be switching to the afternoon and night shifts. With the school schedule set in stone at that point, there was no way for me to keep the job. I have been unsuccessful everywhere else and I'm quickly running out of options. So, I will be applying for the Writing Center on campus. I'll only be paid once a month, but I figure it's a job and it'll help a lot. I've also started donating plasma again. Now that I know I'm hypoglycemic, I've found ways to over come it. I tried donating last week and I was perfectly fine. I was a little woozy towards the end, but that was because I was an hour late to donate thanks to the check up. If I eat right before, I should be fine. The giant needle is now the worst part of it.

Zef and I broke up in mid-September. Things were moving a bit too fast and I felt that things weren't right. We are still good friends and do a lot together, and we do what we can with our group of friends (when they're not busy). We registered to go to Institute together at the beginning of the semester and we are still doing that. It's been a good class for both of us. We've been taking an Atonement class and it's helped a lot with understanding forgiveness, God's mercy and grace, and the loving sacrifice of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. My testimony has grown so much in such a short amount of time, and I am constantly wanting to hear more from Brother King about the Atonement, or At-One-Ment. I will definitely be taking his class again next semester (hopefully I can fit it in somewhere)

Well, that's the update. I am hoping to keep caught up with this... We will see. Until next time :)

Post #43

Hello again! Sorry it's been so long since my last post. It's been one thing after the next, and wow has this been one crazy summer.

Well, I finished summer semester. I'm sad to say that I failed Anatomy--quite badly. But, I did pass my CIS (computer) class which is required for me to graduate with my associate's degree. It was the biggest pain the butt because I transferred in, and was playing catch up the entire semester, but I got it done. I never ever have to do it again--ever!

I've started Fall semester here at Dixie and so far I'm loving my classes. I have Yoga on Monday mornings, which, with church, is a great way to start off the week. My other classes include Physiology, First Aid/CPR, Fitness and Nutrition, English and Physiology lab. I haven't had a lot of homework at this point, but now that school has really started we shall see. I am still looking for a job. I thought I had one over at Kneader's, but after two days the manager informed me that with school starting, some people were moving from the morning shift to the afternoon. So, I am jobless again.

As for activities I did this summer... I last posted about Anna's birthday party, which was a blast. A few weeks after that (back in June) I went to this place called Gunlock, which is outside Santa Clara and just past the Indian Reservation here. Gunlock is just before Gunlock reservoir. The dam lets out over these rocks which creates waterfalls and pools. So... I went cliff jumping with my friends! It was SO much fun, but so terrifying. I spent most of the time swimming cuz I was too scared to jump. My friend Nick finally talked me into it, saying the best way to over come fears was to face them. It wasn't too bad; it was actually super fun! We left shortly after though, mostly cuz I slipped and fell before we got out there and then Becca's mom, Penney, also slipped and fell. She ended up going swimming when she didn't want to. It was funny.

Taylor came to visit me for the weekend before his birthday in August. Zef and I had fun showing him around and he had fun getting to explore and go hiking. He didn't enjoy the intense heat here, which Zef and I are used to. We went out to breakfast at Kneader's, went Geocaching around Pioneer Park, playing video games, ordered pizza, went bowling and played pool. When Zef was at work, I took Taylor to the movies and to play lazer tag and glow-in-the-dark mini golf. Sunday we drove back to Orem.

I finished off my last two weeks of summer by spending one in Orem with my family, then driving up to Washington for a family reunion for the last week. It was great to see my family again; it's been a while. My grandparents are leaving on a mission in November so its our last big family thing for the next two years--possibly ever now that the cousins have pretty much all grown up (mostly just Josh, Taylor and I). My aunt and uncle (Amy and Heath) flew me back to Salt Lake so that Heath's kids could drive back with my parents. I was SO glad I flew back because being in a car for long periods of time drives me crazy!

Well, there's the update! I hope to get back on track with posting. I hope everything is well back at home and that everyone is doing great!

Photo Post #13

Wrestling match at Anna's b-day party

The birthday girl!

Rawr!

Besties! Spa time

The fort--ehem--I mean tent!

Don't even ask...

Rainbows!

Cute!!

Happy Birthday Anna!

Cake prep

Anna's last attempt at being a teenager

KRAVE: Something good for you (ice cream)

Mimi writing on Krave's wall

The group :)

Mimi: "I want my purple spoon!!!" (she got green)

My old jeans=my new purse

Post #42

Hello again! I apologize for the lateness of this post; as many of you may know, life has been extremely crazy. But due to recent changes, life has slowed down and I'm now back at a normal pace and not wishing to pull my hair out.

Summer semester is in full swing now, and there's no turning back at this point. I was taking Anatomy and Physiology (labs included) but due to the work load, and not understanding Physiology, I dropped it and replaced it with a computer class I need to graduate from college. Unfortunately, I have already taken a similar class in high school. I would test out, but I missed the dates. Oh well. Maybe I'll learn something new. Anatomy is going pretty well. I didn't do so well on the first test, but I still have a chance to pull my grade up. I don't think it helped that I was half asleep (barely awake) when I had to take the test. My classes start at 7 a.m. With Physiology, I was at school for eight hours straight. Now, only four, and occasionally I have to go to the computer center to do some of my class work. My only issue with Anatomy is the formaldehyde smell. I'm totally okay looking at dead people, touching things to see what they are, heck, I've even held a brain in my hands (okay, so that was gross. Generally I was fine until the fluids started running down my hands--it's not a pleasant feeling through gloves) But unfortunately, the smell is getting the best of me. I've practically passed out from it. I'm finding ways that I can still do it, because it helps a lot to see where things actually are. Plus, on my lab tests, I have to look anyways because they stick pins in places and ask what they are.

Things are going well here with my roommates. We're like a little family, always there for each other and such. We had a new girl move in recently; her name is Erin. She just turned 18 a few weeks ago, but apparently she's been living on her own for quite some time due to family problems. She fits in perfectly with us, and she told us she feels like she totally scored in the roommate category. It's been a lot of fun to have her around and get to know her.

I'm starting to eat healthy again and drop the junk food. Already I've lost weight again; I got a new pair of jeans for free from one of Tara's clients (she was giving them away, and Tara brought me some) are already a little too big around the waist. However, they fit everywhere else just fine. My capris are also a bit too big. The only pair of pants I have that fit (besides my sweats) are my new shorts. I discovered (thanks to Tara) that Deb's sells "Curvy" pants, which is PERFECT considering that I always have the gap problem thanks to my butt :P For those who don't appreciate me mentioning it, I'm sorry. I'm blunt and honest. I've also started running again. Anna and I went tonight and I was able to run from campus all the way back to my apartment without stopping, which is HUGE for me. On the way to campus I stopped a few times, mostly cuz it was up hill rather than down. But I know if I continue to do it, I'll get it eventually.

We celebrated Anna's 20th birthday yesterday. Tara wanted to spoil her rotten, so we did quite a bit. Originally, Mimi and I planned to do a spa night and watch movies and such. But as we got planning, things were added to the to do list. Tara and I made Anna a rainbow cake with cream cheese frosting, which turned into cupcakes when we discovered monkey cupcake wrappers (Anna LOVES chimpanzees). We set up a blanket fort in the living room to sleep out in (it was crammed but it worked). Tara ordered Anna's present, but it hasn't showed up yet (I'm not allowed to say yet... Anna might read this!) and Mimi and I decided to pay for Anna to get her ears pierced since she wanted it so badly. We kidnapped her, and brought her to Walmart and had her pick out a pair (originally, we thought we'd go to Clair's, but Walmart was a fraction of the price) She's been absolutely thrilled about having earrings now. We had her pick out some extras so she could change out her earrings when her six weeks were up. We spent a lot of the night eating pizza, cupcakes and dancing like crazy around the living room. All and all, I think it was the best party ever.

I recently got called to be a Relief Society instructor for church. My first lesson went really well. I had a brief panic attack because the computer I was going to use wasn't working for my slide show (I decided to go visual) but lucky for me, the bishop had his. Saved! Next time, I'm bringing my own laptop!

Well, that's the scoop :) it's getting super hot here, and I'm loving every minute of it. Except the fact that I feel like I have to change my shirt twice a day :/ Haha! Anyways, I hope everything is going well with you all. Please post comments or shoot me an email--I miss hearing from everyone!